


First Choice

by TeamJaqar



Series: Second Best/First Choice [2]
Category: Ackley Bridge (TV)
Genre: Healing, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 22:57:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15447705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamJaqar/pseuds/TeamJaqar
Summary: Seeing so many bruises on Jake’s body had been truly shocking and if he hadn't been interrupted, Dan's first question would have been, "Who did this to you?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to Second Best, but can be read on its own.

It takes Dan almost half an hour to drag himself out of bed, and by the time he’s finally dressed and ready for school he barely has time to grab a slice of toast from the plate his foster mum, Lisa, has set out on the table for him. The weather has been quite reasonable for the last few weeks, but this morning is definitely colder and he’s still not even sure it was a good idea to crawl out from under the covers at all. It’s only the thought that he’s got a slightly easier day today that’s keeping him going at all on the walk to school. 

It’s English lit first, where they’re reading a play aloud and he’s only got a small part. Then biology, which he finds relatively easy and can get away with not listening properly for one day. After break it’s double P.E. with some of his friends, and he won’t complain about just playing a game of football. After lunch he has a double study period, which he usually spends in the sixth form hub with Jake since they’re not allowed to just leave. It’s quite a decent Friday, all told, but they’re still determined that one week they’ll find a way to leave at the start of lunch without getting caught. Perhaps today will be the day, if he can tear Jake’s attention away from his sketchbook long enough for them to make a break for it.

He’s been friends with Jake longer than any of the others, ever since Jake had moved to his school in year six. They couldn’t have been more different and they’d clashed a little at first, but then they’d both been chosen for the football and athletics teams. At first, it was just a grudging appreciation of each other’s abilities, but by Christmas of that year they’d become firm friends, and by the time they had to move schools for year seven, they were inseparable. Dan had easily made new friends, having always been quite a popular, confident sort of kid, but Jake was more reserved and sensitive. It hadn’t gone down well when Dan had tried to introduce loudmouth and general nuisance Cory Wilson into some of their activities, but when the group was rounded off by the unshakeable steadiness of Neil Sykes, things had balanced themselves out.

It had been a learning experience for all of them, being from such different home situations. Dan had been with his foster mum, Lisa, since he was a baby. They weren’t especially well off, but he’d never gone without, and he’d had a constant line of temporary brothers and sisters to keep him company. Neil lived with his parents and two sisters. They were reasonably comfortable financially, and very supportive. It was generally accepted that if you’d done something horribly wrong, you’d tell Neil’s mum first because she’d be kinder than your own parents and might even sort it out before they had to know. Dan had always figured Neil’s unflappable nature was down to the sterling example set by his parents. When you’ve seen someone calmly handling even the most worrying of circumstances, perhaps nothing seems too much to deal with.

It was Jake and Cory who’d been the real opposites. Cory was loud, boisterous and generally the reason they got into any trouble in the first place. His home life was a mess, from what Dan could tell, but Cory never talked about it and they were never invited to his house. He seemed to dislike Jake from the very beginning, possibly because, on the surface, it appeared as though Jake had everything. Two parents, neither unkind as such, a big house, and the newest, most expensive version of everything. They were always welcome at Jake’s house, and they were mostly left unsupervised to do whatever they felt like doing.

Dan remembers the sleepovers at Jake’s when they were younger. Everything about them had been great fun, but he has especially fond memories of the breakfasts. He was used to having a bowl of cereal, or maybe toast and butter if his foster mum had time to pick up a loaf on her way home. But at Jake’s you would get boiled eggs, toast, a choice of more kinds of jam than Dan had even realised there were, chocolate spread, croissants... When he got older, he came to understand that all the things - money, possessions, fancy breakfasts - were a substitute for the love Jake would have much preferred. But, as a kid, Dan had just been amazed at being able to choose between two types of marmalade.

Largely left to his own devices, and seemingly not having had many friends before he’d moved to Dan’s school, Jake had read hundreds of books, all of which were still in the library at his house, and which he’d let Dan and Neil - and eventually, Cory - borrow any time they liked. Even at that young age, he’d understood his position of privilege and had been more than happy to share everything he had, whether that be possessions or knowledge. If you disturbed him while he was deep in thought, rather than being annoyed at the interruption he would let you in on the subject he’d been philosophising about. Sometimes he’d even bring enough sandwiches for all four of them, just so he could make sure Cory had something for lunch without it feeling like charity. If they were very lucky, Jake would even draw them something  _ just because _ , and they’d get to keep it forever. 

Dan still has every single one of the drawings Jake has done for him over the years. Lisa had grown tired of him making holes in the walls pinning them all up, so she’d said he could have three up at once and the rest had to be put away. She’d even bought him a nice box to put them in to keep them safe. He still keeps three out on the walls even now, although he makes sure to put them away if Jake comes round. Maybe Jake would think it was endearing, but perhaps he’d just find it a little bit creepy that Dan still had them all. After all, he’s fairly sure Cory was putting them in the bin out of spite for at least the first year, and Neil isn’t especially sentimental in that way.

Jake isn’t in English lit that morning, and Dan doesn’t seem him at break either. It’s not unusual to not see him much during class time, since they’ve only got one class together now, but it’s not like him to be missing altogether. It isn’t until the end-of-lunch bell goes and everyone else goes off to class that Jake finally creeps into the sixth form hub looking a little worse for wear.

“Hey,” he half-whispers as he sits down cautiously on the sofa opposite the one Dan is lounging on. He’s clutching one of his RS textbooks to his chest like his life depends on it, and he looks absolutely exhausted. Dan is about to ask him what’s wrong when Mr Simpson appears in the doorway.

“Sorry to bother you, lads. It’s just we’re a couple of players short for the year eleven football assessment, and since you’re free at the moment…?” He lets the question hang in the air, but they both know it’s only even a question because Mr Simpson is too nice to just  _ make _ them do it. He looks at Jake, wondering if he’s even up to one of the ten-minute games right now, but Jake stands and follows Mr Simpson before Dan has a chance to respond.

The year elevens are already out on the field when they arrive in the changing room, and Mr Simpson leaves them to get changed. Dan can just imagine what Lisa would say if she knew he was keeping his football boots in his locker - something about them being a biohazard, probably. Still, it means he’s got them here now, and evidently Jake has been doing the same thing, so it can’t be all that bad. He turns away from the bench to mention it to Jake, but stops dead in his tracks at the sight before him. 

He isn’t quite sure what shocks him the most - the huge purple marks on Jake’s shoulders which are very obviously bite marks, or the smaller but equally purple marks around his hips, quite clearly caused by the vice-like grip of someone’s hands. He’s still staring in horror when Jake glances over his shoulder and catches him looking.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Jake tells him with a look of fear in his eyes. Dan can’t really imagine what else it could possibly be, but before he can ask any questions they hear footsteps approaching and Jake turns away, hurriedly pulling his t-shirt on and tucking it in securely.

Dan plays a passable game, enough to satisfy the rest of his team and help them with their assessment, but it’s nowhere near his usual standard because his mind is elsewhere. Seeing so many bruises on Jake’s body had been truly shocking, and his first question would have been  _ who did this to you?  _ It’s quite likely his second question would have been  _ would you excuse me for one moment while I find him and kill him? _

Jake’s sexuality has always been something of an open secret. He doesn’t go out of his way to cover it up, but he doesn’t speak about it and only Dan and Neil know about it officially. Dan had figured it out at the end of year six, having caught a glimpse of a double-page spread in Jake’s sketchbook that was entirely filled with half-naked drawings of members of the year 10 football team they’d watched on an induction visit to their new school. Jake had tried to make excuses, and had eventually settled on saying he didn’t really know what - or who - he liked yet. Dan had made sure Jake knew it made no difference to him either way, and that had been a turning point in their friendship. It was as though a long-sealed door had been prised open and now Jake could talk much more freely about himself.

The summer that followed had been enlightening. Jake had apparently been reading a lot about paganism and had come to the conclusion that it had some merit. He taught Dan how to meditate, although Dan had usually used the quiet time to think about football, girls and, on occasion, pizza. It had come in useful, though, when the second half of year eleven had proved particularly stressful. It turned out that if you studied at Jake’s house, you could sit by the huge windows in the conservatory, with the doors open so you could hear the gentle sound of the water features on the patio. Any time you felt a little bit overwhelmed, you could go out into the garden and sit amongst the flowers to meditate. Jake’s mum had left when he was twelve, and his dad seemed to be almost permanently away on business, so Jake had more or less full control over the house, and he’d made it somewhere safe and happy, if a little lonely.

But during that summer after year six, Dan had appreciated the gesture of Jake teaching him to meditate, as well as his willingness to share something personal with him. Dan had nothing of his own to share yet, but he’d felt secure in the knowledge that he  _ could _ , if anything came up. They’d spent the rest of the summer talking at length about every subject imaginable, from how you would know you were ready to have sex, to whether organised religion was detrimental to society, and everything between. Dan admits to being far less well-read than Jake back then, and often clueless on a subject until Jake had explained it to him, but he always made a point to listen carefully and try to understand.

Then they’d started secondary school and Jake had pulled the door firmly shut again, refusing to reveal anything of himself until he had a better idea of the people around him. It had taken until early spring for him to open up again, but by then he had two very clear personas - the soft, sensitive, thoughtful boy that Dan had known before, and the sporty, laddish boy who didn’t think much about anything. The Jake that Dan knew was reserved for times when they were alone. As much as Dan wanted to feel special at being the only one, he mostly just felt sad that Jake felt so afraid of the world that he wouldn’t let them see him as he really was. He’d eased off a little in the following couple of years, but even then it was only really Neil who was seeing much more than the others. 

It was the crush on Cory towards the end of year eleven that had been Jake’s undoing. He’d pulled Dan aside one day between classes and announced it, and Dan couldn’t exactly say he’d been surprised. He’d seen Jake looking at most of them in the changing rooms at one time or another, and usually they’d show up an anatomy study in Jake’s sketchbook shortly afterwards. But the way he’d been looking at Cory was different, and Dan had definitely suspected it might not just be about art this time. Fairly certain that Cory would literally kill him dead for even  _ thinking _ something like that, Jake had shut down completely and become even more rowdy than the others, as if to somehow prove his heterosexuality before it was ever called into question. By the time they’d come back for year twelve, he was so deeply embedded in that way of behaving that Dan had lost sight of his friend altogether.

Jake had been the first one to flirt with Nas - terribly, by all accounts - and had been genuinely quite unpleasant once he knew Cory was paying attention. Dan had ended up joining in a bit to make Jake’s behaviour seem less out of place, and Nas had hated them both for it, which he felt bad about. He’d apologised for both of them later, but Jake had continued to behave so outrageously that he’d only stopped when one of the year eleven girls had slapped him across the face so hard his lip was bleeding. Dan had cleaned it up, of course, knowing that Jake couldn’t go to the school nurse and risk getting into trouble for fighting. He hadn’t dared broach the subject of sexuality with Jake in this frame of mind, so he’d settled for having a word about how to treat girls properly so they actually  _ liked _ you. That had been the end of all the problems, or so he’d thought.

Now, here Dan is, trying to figure out what to do about the fact that not only has Jake been sleeping with someone and hasn’t even thought to tell his best friend about it, but whoever it is had been so violent towards him that he’s too sore to even move properly. Every step Jake takes across the pitch looks like agony, and he’s so pale he looks like he’ll pass out if he keeps going. After the final match, Mr Simpson sends everyone back to the changing room, but Jake volunteers to stay behind and tidy up, presumably so he doesn’t have to undress in front of a room full of nosy children who won’t hesitate to ask a million questions. Dan showers and changes slowly, and waits outside the changing room until Jake finally emerges.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he says as he walks straight past Dan and heads in the direction of the main entrance. There’s still half of the final period left, but clearly he’s had enough. Dan can’t blame him.

“At least let me walk you home, then.” Jake doesn’t reply, but he also doesn’t tell Dan to leave him alone, so Dan falls into step beside him.

They walk most of the way to Jake’s house in silence, until a couple of streets away, when Jake speaks without looking up from the ground as they walk.

“You know your first time?”

“Yeah?”

“What was it like?”

“Well, it was…” 

Dan knows he wouldn’t have won any awards for his performance that night, but he also knows they’d laughed a lot, the girl had appeared to be enjoying it as much as he was, and that it had been decent enough in the end once they’d got the hang of it. He’s got a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach that Jake’s first time may not have been very nice at all.

“It was alright. We had a laugh, anyway, and I’m fairly sure I was doing it right. Eventually.” He nudges Jake’s arm gently and smiles, but it doesn’t raise a laugh. “Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but… you know you  _ can _ talk about it, right? I mean, you can tell me anything. You know that, don’t you?”

Jake nods, still not looking up, and they continue in silence until they reach Jake’s front door. Dan makes him promise to text or call if he needs anything, and only leaves when Jake starts to look annoyed with him for fussing so much. 

When Dan tries calling Jake later that evening, he finds that Jake’s phone is switched off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly shorter chapter because I wanted to split this day up across two chapters.

The next morning, Dan lazes around in bed with the television running the background. He’s scrolling through his phone aimlessly, when his mind turns to Jake again.

The bruises had been so vicious. They’d stood out so much against Jake’s pale skin, and Dan feels a mixture of angry and hurt on his friend’s behalf. He wants to blame himself for not noticing something was wrong sooner, but this isn’t about him. This is about someone hurting his best friend, and his best friend suffering as a result. Jake doesn’t want to talk about it yet, if at all, and in the meantime he’ll need Dan to support him. 

He’s about to put his phone down and get out of bed when it starts to ring, and Jake’s name flashes up on the screen.

“Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah, not bad. You?” Jake sounds just as exhausted as he did yesterday.

“I’m alright. I tried calling you last night.” Dan isn’t surprised when there’s no answer. It’s alright, though, because he knows exactly why Jake is calling. “Do you want me to come over?”

“Is that okay?” 

“Of course.” Dan has always thought of Jake’s humility and lack of ego as a very positive thing. He never just assumes that people will do things for him, even if he’s offering something in return. On reflection, however, he can’t help but think it’s got something to do with Jake’s parents. Dan recalls so many occasions where Jake would approach his mum or dad and ask in the most timid, polite voice whether they’d be allowed to do something, or if they could have something, or “would be it be alright if” so many things. He regrets dwelling on the memories now, because he realises just how scared Jake must have been of them. 

Thinking about it, he supposes he always knew Jake was scared. He could be quite clingy at times when they were younger.

Jake had a double bed, and the sofa in his room pulled out into a double bed as well. As Dan had been the first to stay over, his spot was the other half of Jake’s bed, and the others had never complained about being relegated to the sofa bed. If he’s honest, Dan always prefers it when it’s just the two of them, because then he and Jake don’t have to act like sleeping within two feet of each other is the Worst Thing Ever. He actually thinks Neil wouldn’t mind at all, but even the best case scenario with Cory would be some hefty teasing - with a worst case that doesn’t even bear thinking about. But, with just the two of them, Jake can bury himself in Dan’s side, or Dan can wrap himself around Jake like the protective big spoon he feels he should be. Now that Dan thinks on it, it’s been far too long since any of them stayed over at Jake’s.

“Should we make it a sleepover? I miss my little spoon.” He can hear the smile in Jake’s reply.

He arrives at Jake’s house just before midday, and the door opens before he can reach for the bell. Jake’s hair is still damp from the shower, and he looks a lot less deathly-pale than he did the day before. They settle down on the sofa with cups of tea, and Dan decides to make an educated guess about what’s going on.

“It’s over, isn’t it?” Jake looks at him, surprised. “Whatever it was,  _ whoever  _ it was. It’s over?”

Reflecting back over the recent past during the walk over, Dan thinks that Jake hasn’t been himself for quite a while now, and that he’s been especially withdrawn the past couple of weeks. Whatever has been going on must have started near enough at the beginning of this school year. Jake nods. 

“Yeah, it’s over.” He looks down at his cup of tea, which he clutches in both hands, shielded by the sleeves of his jumper. Sweater paw Jake is Dan’s favourite, because sweater paw Jake has honest conversations about his feelings, and looks quite adorable while doing so. He can’t help thinking that if all of the lads had sweater paw versions of themselves, things would be a lot more simple.

“And that’s, what? Good? Bad? Something in between?”

“I don’t know.” Jake sighs heavily and sips his tea. “I’m sad that it’s over, but… I don’t have that horrible, aching feeling in my chest any more, so I guess it’s probably for the best.” Dan puts his tea down and shuffles along the sofa until they’re close enough for him to tilt his head and rest it on Jake’s shoulder. 

He tries to think of something helpful to say. He hasn’t dated any one girl for more than a few weeks, so he’s never had to figure out how to get over someone in that way. Then he remembers that time he dated a girl who seemed perfectly happy to answer her phone every time it rang, even if that meant ignoring Dan for a good twenty minutes or so while she listened to her friend’s latest drama. A couple of times, Dan had become so bored while waiting for her to finish that he’d picked up one of her magazines and had a flick through some of the shorter articles. 

“I read somewhere that you’re supposed to take one month for yourself, to recover, for every year you were together, so maybe it’s a week for every month?”

“That’s  _ ages _ .”

“It is, yeah. But I reckon you probably need it.”

They sit in comfortable silence for the next ten minutes, only half-watching the television. Jake sips his tea and exhales shakily, until Dan sits up and takes it from him, placing it down on the coffee table. He lets Jake curl up more or less in his lap, and strokes his hair while he cries.

This isn’t the first time he’s had to do this, and he knows it won’t be the last, either. Dan gets out most of his stress by being a bit rowdy, shouting and swearing and playing football a little too roughly for the referee’s liking. But Jake isn’t like that. He seems to have learned somewhere that keeping everything inside is the polite thing to do, and he ends up trying so hard to keep it together that everything eventually spills out, and Dan has to hold him and tell him everything will be alright. The more he thinks about it, the more he thinks Jake’s parents have a lot to answer for.

“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” He’s not sure how much he’s really helping, but eventually the tears fade and Jake sits back up, shifting out of Dan’s lap and onto the sofa.

“I’m sorry, I-“ Dan shushes him again, and gives him the  _ you don’t apologise for being upset _ look. Jake looks away, ashamed, as if he’s being told off. Dan frowns - he thought they’d got past that stage in year eight. Whoever is responsible for these tears has hurt Jake so much he’s regressing to the scared kid he used to be. Jake clearly isn’t ready to discuss it, so Dan tries to think of a way to take his mind off it for now.

“How about if I make you a mountain of eggy bread?”

Jake turns his head just enough to look at Dan, then looks down again with a smile.

Dan knows the next few weeks are probably going to be quite tough for both of them. Still, eggy bread is a good start.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan cooks the eggy bread while Jake sits on the edge of the counter next to him, tearing bits off a plain slice of bread and eating them while Dan explains the English lesson he missed the day before. He’s sure Jake has probably finished reading the whole play already, but he won’t have heard the banter that went on during the class, so Dan is more than happy to fill him in.

He could get used to this, cooking for them both while Jake keeps him company. Talking to other people always feels like a conscious effort to keep things going, but with Jake it’s either easy conversation or comfortable silence. He’s fairly sure that’s how he’ll know he’s in love - he’ll meet a girl he can talk to, or not talk to, this easily, and it’ll be obvious. He just hopes she’ll appreciate that his cooking skills are largely egg-based. It’s never bothered Jake, but he supposes a girl probably expects something more romantic than scrambled egg on toast.

Armed with plates and cups of tea, they go through to the conservatory to sit at the table there. Even this early in the year, the garden looks wonderful, and Dan takes the time to appreciate the work that’s gone into it. He knows there’s a gardener who comes to take care of it, but the actual planning and layout was all Jake’s work, and it’s clear his artistic talent extends well beyond the pages of his sketchbook.

He glances over at Jake, who’s staring out into the middle distance, lost in thought. He’s still having a hard time understanding how anyone could hurt Jake. The way he’s sitting now, elbows on the table and hands propping up his chin, the cuffs of Jake’s sleeves have slid down and for the first time he spots more finger-shaped bruises around his wrists. In the changing room he’d been so caught up in looking at the other bruises he hadn’t even noticed these ones, and of course Jake always wore a long-sleeved top for PE, so he hadn’t had a chance to see them. Now, though, they’re so obvious, and they look just as painful as the others. Reaching across the table, he takes one of Jake’s hands from under his chin and holds it, while he traces the bruises ever so carefully with his fingertips. He looks up at Jake for his reaction.

“They’re not that bad, really. They don’t hurt as much the others. Because they’re older, I suppose.” Jake instantly looks worried, like he’s revealed more than he intended. “I-I mean, they…”

He sighs heavily, and Dan squeezes his hand to let him know he doesn’t have to explain. He resists the urge to lift Jake’s wrist and press his lips softly to one of the bruises. It’s been years since he kissed an ailment better, but it always seemed to lift Jake’s spirits in the past. He tended to save it not for the worst physical damage, but for those times when Jake was thoroughly miserable. He rather suspects it was supposed to be Jake’s mum’s job, but he hadn’t minded filling in, in her absence - emotionally, at first, and then physically, after she left in the middle of year eight. He feels that while 13-year-old Jake might have appreciated it, 17-year-old Jake might find it a bit condescending.

Jake closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and when he opens his eyes again he looks a little less distressed. Dan smiles and lets him have his hand back, so he can finish his eggy bread.

 

 

 

They finish eating and wash up. Just as he’s drying his hands, Dan remembers something that had slipped his mind until now.

“I forgot to say, Miss Keane is looking for someone to do some face painting for the play, and I told her to speak to you. I hope that’s alright.” He doesn’t imagine there’ll be a problem with it, but he should at least warn Jake so he doesn’t feel put on the spot.

“Yeah, that’s alright. I bet she has some good ideas. She seems like she would.”

Miss Keane is definitely the most imaginative English teacher they’ve had, and Dan has seen her costume ideas so far. If they’re anything to go by, she’ll want quite complex makeup as well, which is why he suggested Jake in the first place as he’d done a face paint project thing for GCSE Art. He remembers seeing the photos afterwards and be absolutely amazed by the level of detail, such as an entire scene painted on a single eyelid. If anyone can keep up with Miss Keane’s wild ideas, it’ll be Jake.

They make plans to get pizza and watch a couple of films in the evening, but that still leaves most of the afternoon free, so they take a wander round the house to see if anything more interesting takes their fancy. There’s a moment in the home gym where they almost decide to do some exercise, before deciding they can’t be bothered changing, workout out, showering and getting changed again, so that idea gets scrapped.

In the end, they settle for an afternoon of playing video games. Most of the consoles are in Jake’s room, so that’s where they end up. Jake lets Dan choose a game since he’s the guest, but he isn’t really sure. He stands in front of the shelves containing Jake’s current favourite games to see if any of them take his fancy, while Jake crawls onto the bed to retrieve one of the controls from his bedside table.

He smiles to himself when he spots _Crash Team Racing_ , a game he’s sure has been on these shelves since they were first put up. He has a lot of fond memories of Saturday afternoons spent with Jake, Neil and Cory, doing battle in various multiplayer games, but _CTR_ ended up only being allowed when Cory wasn’t there after The Incident. Cory had, after losing yet another race, thrown the controller across the room in frustration. Only, it hadn’t made it across the room, because Neil had rather conveniently stopped it with his face - more specifically, his nose. Dan hadn’t known that that much blood could come out of one nose, and they’d all been in trouble for the mess. That’s when Dan, Jake and Neil had decided to only play games Cory wasn’t good at when he wasn’t around.

It doesn’t take him long to decide on a game, so he picks _WipEout Omega Collection_ up from the shelf. Then he turns round and immediately receives a flying pillow full-force to the face. Blinking a few times, he focuses his eyes on Jake, who’s looking at him with an expression somewhere between hilarity and terror.

“I’m so sorry, I only meant to hit the back of your head! I didn’t think you would tu-”

Dan clambers onto the bed next to him, grabbing a decorative cushion as he goes and cutting Jake off mid-sentence by hitting him with it. Jake gasps in over dramatic outrage and picks up another pillow, and soon they’re engaged in an enthusiastic but ineffectual pillow fight, neither of them really hitting hard enough to do any damage. It isn't long until they’ve both discarded their pillows and it becomes a wrestling match.

It’s obvious that there won’t be a clear winner any time soon, so Dan decides that it’s time to unleash his ultimate weapon - tickling. He knows Jake is unbelievably ticklish and can be rendered utterly helpless without very much effort, so he dives onto Jake and tickles him mercilessly until he gives in.

“Alright, alright, I surrender! I surrender!”

Dan gives a victory cheer and flops down next to Jake on the bed, propping himself up against the pillows. The neckline of Jake’s jumper is all askew and the bite marks on his right shoulder are on display. When he sees Dan looking, Jake sits up abruptly and reaches to fix it, but Dan places a gentle hand on his arm to stop him. He eyes the worst of the bruises for a moment, then decides to take a risk.

“Shall I kiss it better?” he asks softly. Jake closes his eyes and nods.

Dan shifts so he’s better placed to reach the bruises, slightly towards the back as they are. He presses a soft kiss to the exposed skin, then another, then a third, and watches as Jake’s shoulders visibly lower about two inches.

“When was the last time you meditated? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this tense.”

“It’s been… god, I don’t even know. A couple of months, maybe?”

That’s not like Jake at all. For at least the last couple of years, Jake’s daily routine involved meditating first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and often a third time in the middle of the day if he felt like it. It was the time he gave himself to sort through problems, so he didn’t have to carry quite so many worries around with him during the day. Dan can’t even bring himself to imagine the inner turmoil Jake must be wading through now, if it’s been months in the plural since he took any time to think. He wants to ask why, but he knows Jake still isn’t ready to talk, so he does the next best thing.

“Come on,” he says, clambering off the bed and offering Jake a hand up. “The game can wait for ten minutes. This is more important.”

They sit by the full-length windows in the conservatory, cross-legged and eyes closed, for closer to twenty minutes in the end. When Dan opens his eyes to investigate a sound two minutes in, he spots the silent tears spilling down Jake’s cheeks and his heart aches. He says nothing, but he reaches over and closes his hand over Jake’s.

He decides to try and do this the way Jake does it, thinking through problems so he can let them go for the rest of the day. His only real problem at the moment is how to support Jake, though, and he doesn’t really know where to begin with it.

He muses on it for several minutes before an idea comes to him - perhaps he could talk to Miss Keane about it. She’s always sympathetic when someone has a problem, and he wouldn’t need to be specific about who or what had happened. He could just ask for general ideas about supporting a friend through a difficult time, and maybe he’d get some advice he could use. Anything has to be better than just winging it and hoping he doesn’t do anything wrong.

When he hears Jake moving beside him, Dan pulls his sleeve down over his hand and leans over to wipe away the tears from Jake’s cheeks. He smiles, and Jake smiles back, and this time he’s the one to stand and offer his hand to Dan.

 

 

 

The novelty of the game eventually wears off, round about the time they start feeling hungry. Jake orders pizza while Dan rummages through the DVD collection in search of uplifting films that might cheer them both up, then they both set about building a mountain of pillows and blankets to bury themselves in. By the time the pizzas arrive, they’ve built a mountain only slightly smaller than Everest on Jake’s bed.

They climb in and settle down to watch the first film, the original _Tomb Raider_ , chosen partly for general enjoyment and partly for ogling. Jake can enjoy the sight of a naked Daniel Craig being unscrupulous, and Dan can look at a scantily-clad Angelina Jolie saving the world. Secretly, Dan’s favourite character has always been Bryce, the nerdy tech expert who has all the funniest lines. Certainly, he always seems to make Jake laugh, and since cheering Jake up is the point of the whole exercise, Dan feels he’s chosen the right film.

“Do you want to try some?” Jake asks him when he spots Dan eyeing up his pizza. Dan has to admit that Jake’s food always ends up looking really appetising - he’s beginning to think there might be something to this whole vegetarian lark after all.

He nods, and Jake holds a slice out for him to take a bite, which he does. Sure enough, the combination of flavours is perfect, as always. He makes a mental note to add “make our own pizzas” to his list of things to do to cheer Jake up, as long as he can convince Jake that putting olives on a pizza is a terrible idea.

By the time they move onto the second film, _Miss Congeniality_ \- which Dan maintains to anyone who asks is one of his favourites purely for the women, but which he actually just really enjoys - they’ve cleared away the dinner debris. They huddle around a huge bag of crisps, watching the film and discussing what the rest of the rugby team would say if they could see them enjoying it so much.

When the final credits roll, Jake is sleepy and has to be convinced to get up and brush his teeth. Dan is considering changing his opinion about sweater paw Jake being the best one, because sleepy Jake is just too adorable for words, grumbling all the way to the sink, and then all the way back.

Finally ready to sleep, Jake exhales deeply as he flops onto the mattress. Dan pulls off his t-shirt and slips under the covers, wrapping himself around Jake and snuggling up against the fuzzy warmth of his jumper.

“Goodnight, little spoon,” he whispers, and with a soft kiss at the base of Jake’s neck, he closes his eyes and drifts off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly pain, but at least it's short? Not sure that really helps.

They don’t talk about the situation again until a week later, on the day of the rugby trial. Dan has no expectation of being chosen for anything so he’s fairly relaxed about the game, but Jake is really good - and if the scout can tear his eyes away from Cory and Riz for even a second, he’ll notice that too. Jake would never actually accept a place at the academy, but he’d at least like to be invited.

They’re halfway out to the field when Jake realises he still has his watch on and heads off at a jog to put it in his bag. When he comes back, he looks like he’s seen a ghost.

“You alright?” Dan asks him.

“Yeah, ‘course, just nervous, y’know?” Jake offers him a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

By the time the game starts, there’s a dark atmosphere hanging over all of them. Cory seems on edge, more than he should be just for a trial. Jake fumbles the ball twice and backs off from going for it a third time, and Neil collides with Zain when they both try to step up to take his place. At one point he sees Mr Bell giving Cory a pep talk, which is so out of the ordinary that Dan almost loses focus wondering what the hell is going on. He doesn’t get an answer to his question, because Cory tackles Riz hard enough to keep him down. He knows it’s serious when Mr Simpson blows the whistle and he hears Riz saying he can’t feel anything. 

His first thought is to find Jake, which turns out to be a good idea because Jake is frozen to the spot and shaking like a leaf.

“Jake?” he says cautiously as he approaches. “Jake, are you alright?” He gets a hand on Jake’s arm before there’s any response.

“I... “ A few shaky breaths, then he tries again. “No.”

They’re all sent back into the changing rooms to get changed and go home. Jake struggles to unlace his boots because his hands are shaking so much, and in the end Dan has to do it for him. Zain and Mo try to make a comment, but Waqar herds them out with an apologetic look. When they’re the only ones left, Dan sits down next to Jake on the bench and nudges him gently with his shoulder. 

“What was going on before? I know you said you were nervous, but… I mean, did you go back to throw up? Because I could understand that even without the pressure of the scout being there. There was a weird feeling in the air before we even started.”

Jake hugs his knees to his chest and stares at a spot on the floor.

“I saw him kissing someone else today.”

“Oh.”

“He was so… so gentle. So soft and gentle and I-” he cuts himself off with a sob.

“Oh, angel. Come here,” Dan insists, pulling him into a hug, halfway onto his lap. “He wasn’t gentle with you, was he?” Jake shakes his head, then buries his face further into Dan’s chest. 

When he’d thought about it before, Dan had pictured some terrible older man who was cruel to the core, torturing poor Jake for his own amusement. Now he doesn’t quite know what to think at all, especially knowing the guy was clearly capable of being nice as well. It has to be someone at school if Jake saw him kissing someone today, and unless Jake’s been having a secret affair with Mr Simpson, it has to be a student. He can’t picture any of the lads he knows being quite so awful.

Mr Simpson walks in to check everyone is gone, accepts Dan’s silent reassurance that he’s got the situation under control, and walks back out again. Then they sit until Jake’s sobs are more like snuffles and he isn’t clinging on quite so tightly.

“Dan? Can I tell you something?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“He never kissed me.” It’s so quiet that Dan isn’t even sure he’s heard it correctly at first, but when he realises how ashamed Jake is to even speak the words, his heart breaks. “He never even kissed me once. What did I do wrong?”

Dan doesn’t get a chance to respond before Jake dissolves into sobs again. He shushes Jake and carefully strokes his hair, trying to find the words to reassure Jake and settling for  _ it’s not your fault.  _ Jake looks up at him through his tears with a skeptical expression.

“How could it not be my fault? He’s obviously able to be nice to other people without much trouble, so it  _ must  _ be me.”

“Listen, this guy - I don’t want to call him a load of horrible names, because I can tell you really cared about him. He clearly had some issues, but that’s on him - that wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“We only even had sex face-to-face once. Clearly, I did something so awful that he couldn’t even bear to look at me.”

Dan thinks back to the arrangement of bruises that day in the changing room, and suddenly he can picture exactly how most of their encounters must have gone. His mind fills with images of some huge, brutish stranger holding Jake’s hips too tightly as he fucks him roughly from behind, sinking his teeth into Jake’s shoulder to stop himself from making too much noise in case anyone hears them. He immediately feels sick at the thought of anyone treating Jake like that even once, but to know that every time (barring one) was like that is too much. What makes it even worse is that somehow the guy has convinced Jake that he was to blame for it being like that.

Between this and what he’s just witnessed outside, he can’t hold it together any more, so he just pulls Jake in closer and cries with him instead. They stay like that until Mr Simpson returns to lock up, and then they go back to Jake’s house and drink until they can’t feel anything either.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning hurts like hell. He’s had a hangover before, but he’s always been quietly proud of never having the sort of “death would be preferable” hangover he’s seen some of the other lads with. Now he can safely say that streak of good judgement is at an end. When he finally dares to try and force one eye open, he gets a face full of brown curls as Jake shifts to snuggle into his side.

“Good morning,” he whispers sarcastically, earning him a groan in response. “We should have stopped before the tequila, right?” Another groan.

“Unless you want me to be sick on you, stop talking.”

Dan laughs, but immediately regrets it as he feels his stomach turn. He’s not entirely sure how either of them are even going to make it to school in the first place, let alone last the whole day of lessons and rugby practice. If he thought he could get away with it, he’d stay in bed all day, but if he doesn’t go in he’ll have to get an absence slip signed by Lisa and she’ll be furious if she finds out he got so drunk he couldn’t go to school. The only solution is for them to try their best to make it to school, and try not to throw up into any classroom bins.

He slips out from under the covers and go downstairs to put the kettle on. When Jake doesn’t appear, Dan goes back upstairs and pulls the duvet off altogether. Jake sits up and pouts at him, then throws a cushion at Dan, but he’s so hungover it lands on the floor several feet left of target

“Nice try. Come downstairs?” Jake groans again, but eventually unravels himself and stands up. 

It was all they could manage to take off their school uniforms in such a drunken state, and they certainly couldn’t have changed into something else to sleep in, so they’re both just in underwear. Jake has always been kind of skinny, but he’s really filled out this past year. Now he has broad shoulders and legs for days. Dan has seen a change in the way girls look at Jake since they’ve been in year twelve and while he’s pleased Jake is getting his fair share of the attention now, he’s not entirely comfortable with it - though he can’t quite put his finger on why.

He watches as Jake leans back against the counter with his mug of tea, noticing the way the muscles in his neck move as he swallows each sip. Jake shivers, his already defined abs becoming even more prominent as they tense. Dan is just wondering if the ridges between them feel as deep as they look when he realises Jake has noticed him staring.

“I’m just thinking whether I should give up crisps for lent or not,” he tells Jake, tapping his own stomach with his free hand. Sure, he may not have been thinking it right at that moment, but it’s been on his mind recently that he could do with being a touch more defined, especially since he always seems to be in the company of the rest of the rugby team and their flawless bodies. 

“You don’t even believe in God…” Jake replies with a look of concern, clearly seeing the underlying issue right away. He puts down his mug and steps towards Dan. “Look, I know I’m some sort of stick insect/octopus hybrid,” he laughs, holding out his extraordinarily long arms, “but that doesn’t mean you have to be one as well.”

Dan sighs. He knows on an intellectual level that he’s in great shape relative to most of the population, but right now, here, standing in front of Jake in nothing but his underwear, he suddenly feels horribly inadequate. It’s not like Jake would judge him anyway, regardless of what he looked like, but right now it feels like it matters more than anything else in the world that Jake doesn’t think badly of him.

“I know, I know. I’m just being silly, ignore me.” 

“Come here, you silly thing.” Jake slips his hands around Dan’s neck and pulls him into a hug. Dan rests his head on Jake’s shoulder.

“Love you, jellybean,” he half-whispers, and feels Jake hug him a little bit tighter.

“You haven’t called me that in ages.” He can hear the smile in Jake’s voice, so he turns his head to whisper in his ear properly.

“You’re my jellybean and I love you, and I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again.”

“Love you too,” Jake whispers back, then pulls away enough to look at him. “Thank you. For everything. You’ve been amazing this past week and I know it can’t have been easy, but I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me.”

Dan nods, then moves his hands so he can trail his thumbs over the faint remains of the bruises on Jake’s hips. 

“They feeling any better?”

“Much better, thank you.” Jake smiles again, then turns and picks up his mug again. “I don’t know if I can manage much more than this. I think my stomach might hate me.”

Dan feels pretty much the same, although he does help himself to an apple from the fruit bowl as they leave the room, just in case he gets hungry before morning break. He doesn’t have time to go home before they need to be at school, so Jake lends him some clothes and they head off at a brisk pace to meet their friends.

  
  


  
  


Neil and Cory are waiting for him in their usual spot, minus Riz and Naveed. Cory had texted Dan the night before to let him know that Riz would be okay, and now he explains that Riz has been released from hospital to recover at home. It’ll be a couple of weeks before he’s back at school, but he’ll make a full recovery. Neil wonders whether they might give Riz’s co-captain spot on the team to someone else, and who it might be. Cory seems more interested in who’ll take Riz’s part in the play now, and suggests Jake might do well in the role.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s really my sort of thing,” Jake tells him with a shy smile, looking at his hands instead of at Cory. “Besides, I’ve already told Miss Keane I’ll do the makeup and her plans are so complicated, it’ll probably take all of my energy just to get everyone ready in time.”

That seems to be enough for Cory, who drops the subject. Neil inquires after Naveed, but none of them have any idea where he is. It’s a fairly chilly morning, so they decide to go indoors and start walking to registration.

  
  


  
  


They’re ten minutes into the first lesson of the day when Cory reacts to a message he’s just received. Dan doesn’t have to wait long to find out what it is, because he’s the next person to receive it, forwarded from Cory within seconds. He knows he shouldn’t do anything with the message at all, but he also knows it’ll raise questions if he doesn’t, so he sends it on to Neil. It gets all round the school by the end of the lesson, and they’ve only just arrived at their second class when there’s a tannoy announcement calling everyone from the group chat by name to a meeting.

Mr Hyatt quite rightly gives them a huge lecture about respect. Dan doesn’t mind any of that, not really, because he knows he deserves it, but he’s not prepared for the look on Jake’s face when he arrives in the sixth form hub at break. 

Dan knows he’s disappointed him. He has to leave the room to compose himself so he doesn’t have to explain to the others why he suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. He hears Jake calling after him, but he doesn’t stop walking until he’s in the boys’ toilets. 

He’s vaguely aware of Clint in his peripheral vision, but mostly he’s focused on clinging to the edge of the sink so his legs can’t collapse from under him as he gasps for breath. He doesn’t remember ever feeling quite so scared before, and his chest tightens even more at the thought. His head is spinning and in the end he sits down before he can fall down.

Evidently, Clint has gone to get help, because he returns a few moments later with Mr Hyatt, who kneels down beside Dan and gets him to breathe with him. He can hear Mr Hyatt saying something but the words aren’t clear, so he tries to focus on the feeling of Clint holding his hand. That’s odd, he thinks, but he can’t quite breathe well enough to form any thoughts about why.

When the world comes back into focus and he can hear Mr Hyatt again, Clint helps Dan to his feet, then leaves them to it after reassurances from Mr Hyatt. Dan follows him along to his classroom and sits on a stool, absently sipping from the plastic cup of water he seems to have acquired along the way.

“What’s all this about then, hmm?” Mr Hyatt leans on the bench opposite where Dan is sitting and regards him sympathetically.

Dan doesn’t really know where to begin, but he begins all the same. He talks about someone close going through a tough time, and not really knowing if he’s doing enough to help, and just wanting the world to give said someone a break. He describes the feeling of doing something he knew was wrong, and the disgust he’d felt with himself when he’d seen the reaction. He mentions how hard it’s been for both of them this past week, and how drunk they’d been the night before so they didn’t have to feel so upset and scared after Riz’s accident. Finally, he says that if anyone should be hiding in the toilets, out of the pair of them, it definitely shouldn’t be him, because he hasn’t been through half as much. 

“I hate thinking I’ve upset him, especially after these last few days. He means the world to me, sir.” 

“Then that’s what you have to tell him, Dan. It would be a shame to spoil things between you over one incident, and I’m sure he won’t want that either. Tell him how you feel, and apologise, and see what he has to say. It sounds like he’s one of the good ones - don’t let him get away.”

Dan scrambles to think of ways to make it up to Jake. When he’s upset Lisa he can just get her some flowers or make dinner, but Jake wouldn’t appreciate the waste of cutting living plants and Dan already makes dinner for him fairly often anyway. He’ll have to think of something.

“Thanks, sir.” Dan stands and leaves the room, wondering if he’ll have time to catch Jake before they go off to separate classes for the rest of the morning. Clint is hanging around outside looking suspiciously disinterested, but when Dan greets him he receives a knowing look and a smile in return. What he thinks he knows is anyone’s guess, but at least Clint isn’t much of a gossip, so he’ll keep it to himself.

In the end, he doesn’t get to talk to Jake until lunchtime, and it takes a great deal of effort to find a quiet corridor where they won’t be disturbed.

“I messed up, and I’m sorry, I really am. When I saw the look on your face, how much I’d disappointed you…” He takes a deep breath. “You’ve got enough going on without me behaving like a complete muppet.” He fully expects Jake to tell him off, but instead he finds himself in Jake’s arms.

“I just don’t understand why you do it. You always end up doing whatever the others are doing, even if it’s something you know isn’t right. I expect it of Neil and Cory, but I somehow just keep hoping you’ll know better this time.”

Dan feels sad all over again, desperately wishing he could take back that morning and everything else he’d done wrong.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“You don’t have to make it up to me. How about you promise me you’ll try harder not to do things like that in future?”

Dan kisses Jake on the cheek and smiles.

“I promise, jellybean. I’ll do better.”


	6. Chapter 6

A week later, and the day before the play, Dan is fairly sure he knows all of his lines, but he wants to make absolutely certain before the dress rehearsal. He doesn’t want to be the one letting the side down or holding things up, and he doesn’t want to have to spend the whole time between the rehearsal and the play trying to go over his lines. Jake has been watching rehearsals to make sure the makeup will be practical, in the hope no one ends up too messy or smearing face paint on other people, so he offers to practice Dan’s scenes with him as he’ll be able to fill in for most of the acting.

They go to Jake’s house after school, where they spend far too long eating toast before finally getting round to starting the play. Jake is quite timid at first, hiding behind his book even though he only really needs to glance down at the lines now and again. It doesn’t take much time for him to really get into it, though, and it’s not long before they’re both charging round the living room as though they’re on stage at The Globe.

When they reach the part where Dan is supposed to wake up in the forest and kiss Hayley, Dan feels his heart starting to race, which is odd because it doesn’t usually do that when he’s rehearsing at school. He thinks perhaps the nerves are starting to get to him. He gets to his feet and approaches Jake, just as he would approach Hayley, and pulls him closer. Jake looks at him with a questioning eyebrow raised, and Dan nods before he has time to realise what he’s agreeing to. Before he can process what’s about to happen, Jake closes his eyes and leans in.

Dan doesn’t know when exactly he’s thought about it in order to know this is exactly how he’s imagined kissing Jake would feel. It’s soft and surprisingly in-control, and so, so good. The way Jake gently pulls at Dan’s lower lip with his teeth as he pulls away is enough to make Dan forget his next line altogether.

“Uh… Sorry, no idea,” he manages, which makes Jake laugh as he searches the page for the words with which to prompt him. “You did that on purpose.”

“What?” Jake looks up from the book, confused.

“That thing, with your teeth. You did that on purpose so I’d forget what comes next.”

Jake looks perfectly innocent for a moment, but his laughter gets the better of him. Dan folds his arms across his chest and gives him a serious look, but he just doesn’t have it in him to be properly annoyed, not when his heart is doing a sort of skippy thing at the way Jake looks so happy, especially after such a rough couple of weeks.

He’s still grinning soppily at Jake when the laughter fades to soft giggles. They’re standing a little too close, and Dan’s breath hitches as Jake smiles at him.

“Go on, then.”

It takes Dan a moment to understand, but then _he understands_. Tilting his head, he leans in slowly, still convinced this is a trick or a joke or something to make him forget his next lines, but then their lips meet and he knows it’s serious.

What starts as soft, tender kisses quickly becomes heated. Clothes discarded onto the floor, they fall back onto the sofa, hands wandering and hips pushing together awkwardly but oh so satisfyingly. The air fills with desperate moans as Jake wraps a hand around both of them.

When it’s over, and it shortly is, Jake sinks into the space on the couch next to Dan and sighs contentedly.

“How long have you waiting for me to work that one out?” Dan asks, when he finally catches his breath.

“Since about year nine? Noticed you checking Lewis Cordy out in the changing rooms all the time. I don’t think you knew you were checking him out, though.”

It seems so obvious now he thinks about it. He’d been _obsessed_ with Lewis, a talented footballer in the year above, for the best part of a year. The others had teased him mercilessly for it, but for the most part it had been treated the way a great interest in a celebrity would have been. No one, least of all Dan, had thought of it as anything more. Now that he gives it some thought, he should perhaps have guessed that getting off on the idea of Lewis and his girlfriend going at it maybe not have been _entirely_ about the girlfriend.

Then there’s the matter of his friendship with Jake. They’ve always been so close, and Dan wonders why he’s never figured it out before. Even things like the spooning should have been a clue, but now Dan can picture himself not two weeks earlier, kissing Jake’s shoulder, and holding his hand, and gently stroking the bruises on his hips… Even a close friendship wouldn’t have been this intimate, not between two teenage boys who weren’t dating and weren’t even both gay. Dan can’t help feeling as though he’s been playing with Jake’s feelings all this time.

“I’m such an idiot.” Dan turns and buries his face in Jake’s chest, but immediately regrets it.

“Maybe we should clean up…” Jake suggests, about three seconds too late.

Once they get cleaned up and dressed, they struggle through to the end of the play, although it now has a lot more kissing in it than in Miss Keane’s version. Dan remembers all of his lines, though, and he feels a lot more prepared for the final rehearsal the next day. They’ll be rehearsing with full costume and makeup, too, so Jake will be there. He’s not sure what that means now, and he says as much.

“What would you like it to mean?” Jake asks him. Dan is lying with his head in Jake’s lap while they watch TV, and it’s all Dan can do to keep from sighing with happiness when Jake strokes his hair while he waits for a reply.

“I don’t know, really.” He thinks about it for a moment. Dan doesn’t know what any of this means for him in terms of his sexuality, and he’s not sure he should publicly confirm or deny anything until he knows the answer for himself, or else he’ll be in and out of different closets every week until he reaches a conclusion. He would have had Jake there anyway, even if this hadn’t happened, so in a way nothing has changed.

In the end, he tells Jake that they probably need to talk about things more before they do anything in public that they can‘t take back, and that he doesn’t think it should be any different to how it would have been, except perhaps he might like a good luck kiss before he goes on. Jake trails a finger across Dan’s lips and smiles.

“I think we could manage that.”

It turns out that spooning Jake is even better when he turns round in the morning to greet you with a kiss. It could still almost feel like any other morning, until Jake joins him in the shower and almost immediately drops to his knees.


	7. Chapter 7

The walk to school provides an opportunity to talk things over. Dan has had time to think about what he said the night before, about not telling people just yet, and now he’s worried about what kind of message that might have sent Jake.

“You know last night, when I said about not doing anything in front of people? You know that was just about me, right? I mean…” Dan sighs, frustrated, but determined to get it right. “When I said it, I was thinking about myself, about whether I should be telling people anything before I’m even sure what it is I’m telling them. But I wasn’t thinking about you, which I really should have been, and if you want everyone to know right away then that’s fine by me.”

Jake looks surprised. He stops walking and gently tugs on Dan’s sleeve to get him to stop too. Dan takes Jake’s hands even though there’s a chance someone might see.

“We’re not a secret. _You’re_ not a secret.”

Jake closes his eyes, but it completely fails to stop the tears. Dan pulls him close and holds him, whispering _it’s okay_ and _love you_ until the sobs quiet down. Neil has joined them in the meantime, and when Jake finally pulls away Neil looks at him questioningly.

“Y’alright? You haven’t been yourself lately, and I didn’t want to pry, but…” He gestures to the general situation, or to Jake crying in the street, Dan isn’t quite sure which.

“I’m alright. At least, I will be.” Jake reaches for Dan’s hand and he obliges, feeling very proud and happy to be holding Jake’s hand in front of someone. He knows the way he’s looking at Jake now will be a dead giveaway to all but the totally oblivious. Neil grins at them.

“I fucking _knew it._ How long?”

“About twelve hours?” Jake answers with a smirk. “Give or take.”

Neil’s expression is one of great confusion. He looks from Jake to Dan, then back again, before he responds.

“But you’ve been so gay for each other the whole time I’ve known you! You’re telling me it took you until last night to figure that out?”

“I was letting him figure it out in his own time. It just turns out that his own time is a lot slower than everyone else’s time…” They both laugh, and Jake gives Dan’s hand a gentle squeeze, then lets go. They’ve all barely walked twenty metres down the road before Neil has something to say.

“So which one of you is the girl, then?” Neil’s question is shortly followed by a yelp as Dan gives him a hard shove which sends him flying into a hedge.

 

 

 

Everyone who’s involved in the play eats their lunch quickly and goes to prepare for the dress rehearsal. Jake has been assigned a spot in an unused classroom, and he sets out everything he needs to do the makeup. Dan gets changed quickly so that he can lend a hand if necessary, he tells himself, but really he just wants to hang out with Jake for a while.

The first few people who come in are girls who’ve done most of their own makeup but just need some added colour or sparkle, and Dan takes the opportunity to sit back and watch Jake working. He chats to them all so easily, in a way Dan has never quite mastered - but then, he thinks, Jake has never been hoping a girl will like him as anything other than a friend. The rest of the makeup is fairly simple, but Dan particularly likes what Jake does with Zain and Mo’s faces

The atmosphere in the room changes very suddenly when it’s Naveed’s turn to get his makeup done. Jake’s whole body seems to tense up the moment Naveed walks in the door. He’s in quite a revealing costume, and Dan watches as Jake’s eyes scan every inch of visible skin. He’d be jealous, if it wasn’t for the fact that Jake was clearly doing so out of concern. The conversation is stilted and awkward, and Dan tries to keep it going, but he’s beyond relieved when it’s eventually over and Naveed leaves the room.

Dan waves Naveed off, then turns to Jake and finds him taking shaky breaths and trying very hard not to cry.

“Hey...” He pulls Jake in gently by the waist and kisses his cheek. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“What if he’s hurting Naveed too?”

Dan isn’t sure he understands at first, but then it clicks. He’d kind of figured about Naveed being gay, but he would never have thought that Naveed was the one who Jake has seen kissing whoever the other guy was. Who could Naveed possibly be with, that would have hurt Jake so badly yet be treating Naveed so kindly that day in the changing room, when Jake was so upset?

They’re interrupted by Waqar, who looks suitably unimpressed at wearing an orange tent with pretend bricks stuck to it and is even less impressed about having to be painted orange with a weird eye patch. It doesn’t help that Mo looks like an ethereal prince, and Zain makes an adorable little lion. Jake succeeds in cheering him up by offering to paint his face some time in the future as something far more interesting. Dan can’t help smiling when Waqar catches him gazing fondly at Jake and gives him a knowing look. Jake relaxes a little after that, and Dan feels better about leaving him to get on with the rehearsal.

The rehearsal goes fairly smoothly, although their performances are lacking in energy somewhere. Miss Keane finally arrives and she’s armed with lots of snacks, mostly sugar based, to try and perk them up a bit. Dan and Jake eat their sandwiches with the rest of the lads, although Jake does end up being “borrowed” by Zain and Mo for quite an in-depth discussion that Dan can’t quite hear from where he’s sitting, but which seems to be about Jake’s height. Dan doesn’t have the heart to tell them that there probably isn’t any advice Jake can give which will help them.

Jake is busy touching up all of the makeup before the performance, but he does manage to find a moment to give Dan a good luck kiss. Dan melts into the kiss and leans into Jake, reveling in having someone to care about, who cares for him just as much. They only just pull apart in time to avoid getting caught by Miss Carter, who’s rounding up all of the stray performers to get them in one place before the show begins.

Dan listens to Miss Keane’s speech, then hugs several nearby cast members until he’s halfway round the room, where he happens to glance out through the door to see what Cory is doing in the corridor. He appears to be having quite an awkward conversation with Naveed, and Dan is intrigued, but before he can investigate he’s called away by Miss Keane to hurry up and get to his starting place.

He doesn’t manage to catch Jake at the interval as he rushes round fixing everyone’s makeup, but he does spot him at the back of the hall all the way through the play. It’s not hard to play the romantic scenes feeling as he does right now. When it’s over, Jake is nowhere to be found, so Dan gets changed quickly and goes through to the classroom where he’d been doing the makeup and finds him waiting, already packed up and ready to go.

“Alright?” He smiles at Jake, who smiles back and meets him halfway across the room with a slow, passionate kiss.

“You were amazing. I’m so proud of you.” Jake kisses him again, and again, and Dan only manages to say thank you when Jake finally stops kissing him and snuggles into him. He feels tense still, and he looks like he’s been crying, but Dan doesn’t want to bring that up right now. Instead, he mentions having seen Naveed talking to Cory, and how he wonders what that might have been about.

Jake’s smile evaporates almost instantly, and Dan _knows._ He’s never truly understood the expression “seeing red” until right now.

“I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking kill him.” He turns round sharply and storms towards the classroom door, but Jake runs after him and grabs his arm just as he gets the door open.

“Nonono Dan please don’t, please don’t say anything, please don’t let him know I told you, _please._ ” Jake is gasping for breath uncontrollably between words and pulling on Dan’s arm hard to physically stop him from leaving the room. In all the years he’s known Jake, he’s _never_ seen him like this. Dan’s first thought is to get even more angry, to go after Cory right now and smash his face in, but instinctively he knows that’s not the right thing to do. Instead, he turns and steps back into the classroom, shutting the door behind him and getting hold of Jake just as he collapses into his arms, hysterical sobs barely muffled by Dan’s shirt.

It feels like hours have passed when Miss Keane pulls them apart, but it can only have been a minute at most. Miss Keane guides Jake into a chair, and asks Dan to fetch the box of tissues from the desk. That’s when Dan becomes aware that he’s crying too, and he sinks into the chair next to Jake’s with a sob.

When they’ve managed to compose themselves a little, they give Miss Keane as much information as they can get away with, without actually identifying the other people involved. She rummages in her desk drawer for a leaflet about counselling and strongly suggests they both think about it. Dan is surprised she thinks he needs it too, but Miss Keane explains that it’s a lot for anyone to support someone through, but especially a sixteen-year-old.

She’s also concerned by the lack of a supportive adult in Jake’s life, and neither of them want to bother Lisa when she’s already so busy and looking after some short-stay foster kids as well at the moment. That’s when Neil, who has apparently been eavesdropping for at least the past couple of minutes, shuffles into the room and invites them to stay at his house that night, and for the rest of the weekend. Miss Keane asks if that’ll be okay with Neil’s parents, but all three of them know they don’t need to ask. Once she’s satisfied that it’ll be fine, she lets them go.

Neil’s mum is waiting nearby and is quick to agree to everything as soon as she sees the state of Jake and Dan. She gently admonishes them for not coming to her sooner, but they know they’re not really in trouble. She drives them via Jake’s and Dan’s houses to pick up some clothes, then they pull up at Neil’s at the same time as the pizza delivery guy.

“Don’t worry, I remembered you’re vegetarian,” she calls over her shoulder to the back seat, where an exhausted Jake is snuggled up against Dan’s side. He mumbles a thank you, and something about how he should probably stop eating sushi if he’s going to keep telling people he’s vegetarian. Dan has known Jake long enough to know that at this point, it’ll probably never happen.

They eat and shower, then Dan and Neil are shooed out of the living room by Neil’s mum, who wants to talk to Jake in private. They do what they’ve always done when it’s just the two of them - have a sneaky cigarette out of the bathroom window without Jake there to tell them off for it. He’ll know anyway, because he always does, but they can kid themselves for a moment that they’re getting away with it.

“Am I allowed to know what’s going on?” Neil asks as he wafts a cloud of smoke further out the window.

“Let’s just say, the guy he was with before me…” Dan sighs. “Proper nasty piece of work. I’ve only just found out who it was, and Jake was scared what would happen if the guy found out I knew.”

Neil doesn’t say anything for a while. As much as he’s known for blurting out extremely problematic things with very little provocation, he’s also very level-headed, and takes the time to think about the really important stuff. He can be surprisingly wise, which Dan thinks must have come from his mum.

“I think I know who it is, and now I’m angry too, but it’s not my place to say anything about it if you two don’t want to get into it yet. I’ll have your back when you do, though.”

Trust Neil to be as dependable as ever, right when they need him to be. Dan nods, and they say no more about it. They get their telling-off from Jake as expected, and Neil’s mum sends Jake off to the spare room to get ready for bed, while she has a word with Dan. She makes sure he knows they’re welcome any time, and that he isn’t on his own when it comes to supporting Jake. She knows everything - far more than even Dan does, apparently - and she knows it’ll take time for things to settle down. She sends him off to bed with a hug, and a promise of a huge fry-up in the morning, seeing as it’ll be Saturday.

When Dan gets to the spare room, Jake is already in bed. He’s snuffling quietly, and turns round to curl up against Dan’s side when Dan slips in beside him.

“It’ll be okay, jellybean. I promise. You’ve got all of us now, and we’ll do everything we can to make it okay again.”

Jake mumbles an _I love you_ and quickly falls asleep, clearly worn out. Dan kisses his forehead and whispers it back, then lies awake for at least an hour imagining all the ways he’d kill Cory if it wasn’t horrendously illegal to do so.


End file.
